You might be a college student…
If you have ever price shopped for Top Ramen
If you live in a house with three couches, none of which match,
If you consider Mac and Cheese a balanced meal,
If you have ever written a check for 45 cents,
If you have ever seen two consecutive sunrises without sleeping,
If your glass set is composed of McDonald’s Extra Value Meal plastic Cups
If your underwear supply dictates the time between laundry loads,
If you cannot remember when you last washed your car,
If you can pack your worldly possessions into the back of a pick-up
If you have ever had to justify yourself for buying Natural Light,
If you average 3 hours of sleep a night
If your trash is overflowing and your bank account isn’t
If you go to Wal-Mart more than 3 times a week
If you are personally keeping the local pizza place from bankruptcy
If you wake up 10 minutes before class
If you wear the same jeans 13 days in a row — without washing them
If your breakfast consists of a coke on the way to class
If your social life consists of a date with the library
If it takes a shovel to find the floor of your room
If you typically have less than a dollar with you
If you haven’t done laundry in so long you are wearing your swim suit to class
If you celebrate when you find a quarter
If your room is so cold that your toilet freezes over
If you wear a sweat suit for so long that it stands up by itself
If your backpack is giving you Scoliosis
If you get more sleep in class than in your room
If your idea of feeding the poor is buying yourself some Ramen Noodles
If you can sleep through your roommate’s blaring stereo
If you live in an area that is smaller than most mobile homes
If you get more e-mail than mail……
If you’re up at 7:00 am not because you woke up early, but because you’re up late.
If your roommate’s hair is wider than his shoulders.
If you’ve ever lived an inverse day.
If you spend more money on books than on clothes, food, and shelter combined.
If ‘sleep’ falls into the same category as dragons, the tooth fairy, and honest politicians.
If 11 am is “just too early”.
If you eat breakfast more than twice a day.
If ‘brushing you teeth’ means rinsing with Listerine for 15 seconds in the morning.
If you change hairstyles more often than you change your clothes.
If you change your clothes more often than you shave.
If you shave more often than you sleep.
If ’15 minutes in heaven’ means that you can stay in bed for another quarter hour before you have to go to class.
If the term ‘morning classes’ can be used as a free standing punch line.
If an ‘easy’ homework set only takes three hours to complete.
If you start that ‘easy’ homework set 3 hours and 5 minutes before it’s due.
If you do your homework sets in the room where the box to turn in said homework is located.
If you have never met your studious roommate because they’re always going to class when you’re waking up and you’re always waking up when they’re going to sleep.
If your stereo system cost more than your car.
If your computer cost more than your education (especially true for teachers).
If deodorant is a viable alternative to showering.
If you’d rather be writing insanely long emails than doing your homework.
If anyone without email has ceased to exist in your eyes.
If you can nap during the time it takes the professor to take a breath.
If you can’t remember the last time you saw the floor of your room.
If you buy new underwear to avoid washing the old ones.
If you’ve ever bought gas using only pennies, dimes, and nickels.
If you get the urge for a chili bean burrito at 3 am.
If you will drive 30 miles to purchase said burrito.
If it’s 7:30 am and you’re still writing email.
If you refer to your home as the ‘place where the money comes from’.
If you have to walk a mile or more across campus in order to obtain medical assistance.
If said medical assistance consists of a band-aid and a Tylenol for everything from a head cold to a severed limb.
If it takes you more than 30 seconds to decide whether you’re wearing contacts, glasses, or neither.
If it takes you more than 30 seconds to realize you don’t wear contacts or glasses.
If you’ve ever ordered a pizza to physics class.
If you haven’t seen a newspaper in more than a month and you refer anything off campus as ‘The Outside World’.
If most people are waking up when you are going to sleep.
If you’ve ever stayed awake long enough to actually go to morning classes.
If you spend every day in anticipation of care packages from home.
If caffeine has replaced vegetables in the four food groups.
If various forms of sugar have replaced the other three.
If you stopped reading this three minutes ago because your attention span has decreased below 1 minute.
If you have ever considered dropping out, hitchhiking cross country, moving to Mexico, blowing your tuition on tequila and tacos, and living the rest of your life in a gutter somewhere in the streets of Tijuana rather than doing your math homework.